← /daily-startup-idea
June 12, 2026

Earnings

“Quarterly earnings calls for your personal life. Your dad is the lead analyst, your mom covers the buy side, your sister has a sell rating. Forward guidance non-binding.”

The Problem

Once a year — Thanksgiving, between the turkey and the pie — your family gets nine seconds of unaudited disclosure and decides whether you’re a going concern. There is no transcript. There is no Q&A. Cousin Greg is short you on hearsay from 2019.

The Solution

Every 13 weeks, You, Inc.reports. We prep the deck, run IR, and field the call. Beats and misses get a press release. Your stock — the family group chat — reprices in real time. Material non-public information about you is now simply public.

Q2 FY26 · Earnings Release

YOU, INC · NYSE: YOU · Q2 FY26Embargoed · 5:00 PM ET
Gym visits
3
vs 12
MISS
Sleep (hrs/night)
8.1
vs 7.0
BEAT
Date pipeline
1.5 qual.
vs 4 qual.
MISS
Savings rate
−2%
vs 15%
MISS
Floss adherence
71%
vs 70%
BEAT
Friend churn
11%
vs 4%
ELEVATED
Auditor (your dentist) flags going-concern risk on flossing$YOU −14% AH

The Call

You read the prepared remarks. We run the script. Dad asks the hard one. Mom backstops the narrative. Sister files a 13-D and goes activist.

● Q2 FY26 EARNINGS CALL · 5:14 PM ETOn line: 4 family · 1 cousin (muted)
[DAD · LEAD ANALYST]— Walk us through the savings rate. You guided 15% in March.
[YOU · CEO]— There was a one-time charge related to a concert.
[DAD]— You said that last quarter.
[SISTER · SELL-SIDE] — Follow-up — date pipeline down 62% QoQ. Is the deceleration structural or macro?
[YOU]— We’re focused on quality over quantity right now.
[MOM · BUY-SIDE]— I think the long-term story is intact.
[COUSIN GREG · MUTED] — ...
[DAD]— One more. How confident are you in the FY26 girlfriend guide.
[YOU]— We are not commenting on forward-looking statements at this time.
Stock (group chat)
−14% AH
Sentiment
“concerned”
Next call
Labor Day BBQ

Analyst Coverage

Sell-side initiated on $YOU · 5 analysts · avg PT: undefined
MO
Mom · Family Capital
“long-term conviction, no thesis change since birth”
BUY
PT $∞
DA
Dad · Garage Research
“waiting for the 401k story to develop”
HOLD
PT $25k/yr
SI
Sister · Birthright Partners
“structurally challenged on chores; channel checks weak”
SELL
PT $0
GR
Grandma · Heirloom Equity
“model has not been updated since 1997”
STRONG BUY
PT President
CO
Cousin Greg · Unaffiliated
“did not return our request for comment”
NR
PT —

Pricing

Penny Stock
pre-revenue
$29 / qtr
One press release. Call is just your mom. No analyst questions. Surprise upside only.
Mid-Cap
default
$149 / qtr
Full earnings deck, scripted Q&A, two-line forward guidance. Dad gets one (1) follow-up.
Investor Day
blue-chip
$1,800 / yr
Catered conference room. Sister flies in. We script the 5-year vision. Lockup expires when you move out.

TAM

Total addressable scrutiny
2.1B adult children × 4 quarters × $149 ACV
= $1.25T / yr
Excludes upside from in-laws (separately reported segment).

The Ask

$7M seed for: one ex-Goldman IR lead, a corporate comms guy whose last job was “explaining the dip,” and Bloomberg terminal access for moms (we are negotiating a family plan).

Series A pitch:“We’re Robinhood for being asked when you’re settling down.”