“A formal engineering career ladder for adulthood. L1 through L8. You submit a promo packet every year. Your mother chairs the calibration committee. Promo denied seven years running.”
The Problem
You’ve been “in your twenties” for 14 years. There is no rubric. There is no scope. There is no manager. You are an Adult IC2with no path to promotion and no one will tell you what “senior” even means. Meanwhile your peers got bumped to Spouse and Homeownerwhile you were still figuring out which dishwasher cycle is for “normal.”
The Solution
Ladder publishes the canonical 8-level career ladder for adulthood: scope, leadership behaviors, and impact at each level. Annual promo cycle. Forced calibration. Committee chair is your mother. Notes are leaked to your sister within four minutes.
Adulthood Engineering Ladder · v3.1
Your current level: L3 · same as last year · same as 2019
L1
Pre-Adult
Self, sometimes
Texts “k” to mom within 48h
L2
Adult I
Self
Pays rent on time, usually. Has heard of an HSA.
L3
Adult II
Self & one plant
Has a primary care doctor. Has not seen her.
youL4
Senior Adult
Self + dependent (plant, fish, or partner)
Files own taxes. Owns a vacuum. Has a will, mostly.
L5
Staff Adult
Hosts a holiday without crying
Replaces own air filter. Knows a guy.
L6
Principal Adult
Cross-functional family unit
Has opinions on annuities. Co-signs a loan.
L7
Distinguished Adult
Mentors juniors who keep relapsing to L2
Owns a step ladder. Uses it.
L8
Fellow
Industry-wide gravitas
Has been on a board of something. Mother stops checking in.
tenure at L3: 7 years · expected: 2next calibration: Sunday dinner
The Promo Packet
Each cycle, you submit a packet with self-assessment, peer feedback, and “evidence of scope.” Reviewers are chosen by HR (mom). You cannot decline.
“I think I am operating clearly at L5. I hosted a brunch. I have a Roth IRA. I have not cried at work in eleven months. Recommend promotion to L5, possibly L6.”
“He still calls to ask how long to cook chicken. He does not own a pan with a lid. The brunch was a charcuterie board. Recommendation: DENY.”
“Fine with me. I defer to your mother. Did you ever look at that thing with the car? I sent you a video. Did you watch the video.”
“Reviewer requests anonymity. Candidate has been an L3 since before the iPad. Lacks vision, headcount, & a primary care doctor. I bought mom’s birthday gift again. Strong no.”
“Filed 14 P1 bugs this quarter, mostly dish-related. Candidate is friendly, blocks the sink. Would not promote, would re-hire.”
Therapist
skip-skip (advisory)
“The candidate is doing the work. Whether the work counts depends on the rubric, which we are also examining. Bill enclosed.”
Calibration Notes (Leaked)
A redacted page from this year’s committee notes, surfaced by your sister at brunch.
Q2 Calibration · CONFIDENTIALchair: mom@family.gov
9:02
Quorum reached. Aunt Cheryl on the line. Mute her, please.
9:04
Candidate (you) at L3, packet for L4. Mom: “Absolutely not.”
9:07
Dad: “He’s a good kid.” Noted, not scored.
9:11
Aunt Cheryl: “Has not married. Not a blocker but worth flagging.” Flagged.
9:18
Discussion: does charcuterie count as “hosting.” Ruling: no.
9:24
Sister introduces new evidence: photo of fridge. Tabled, then untabled, then tabled again.
9:31
Motion to deny: passes 4–1 (dad).
9:32
Mom: “Don’t tell him it was 4–1.”
DecisionDenied. Hold at L3. Action items: get a primary care doctor; learn to host; for the love of god buy a pan with a lid.
Pricing
$0
Self-assessed. Mom does not see the packet. You also do not believe it.
$29 / mo
Annual promo cycle. Calibration committee of three (mom, aunt, dad). Notes auto-leaked to sister.
$299 / mo
Bi-annual cycle. PIP support. Dedicated career coach (your therapist, billed separately). One (1) sealed envelope: “in case of grandparents.”
TAM
Total addressable arrested development
4.1B adults × 1 promo cycle / yr × $29 ARPU
= $118.9B / yr
Excludes Italian families, where the calibration cycle is daily.
The Ask
$5M seed for: 2 ex-Google managers, 1 calibrations operator, 1 grandma (perspective), and a Notion template starter pack titled “You Are Doing Fine, Actually.”
Series A pitch:“We’re Lattice, but the manager is your mom.”
Promo decisions are final. Appeals may be raised at Thanksgiving and will be tabled until the next Thanksgiving.