“Personal PagerDuty for emotional emergencies. Your friends page you when they spiral. Ack within 15 minutes or it escalates to their therapist. SLA: not-okay.”
The Problem
Your friend Amanda saw her ex at Trader Joe’s on a Tuesday. You did not find out until Friday brunch. By then she had already redownloaded Hinge, gotten bangs, and texted a man named Connor (Climbing Gym). The incident went undetected for 72 hours. There is no observability layer for the people you love.
The Solution
A 24/7 on-call rotation for your friend group. When someone spirals, the next friend on shift gets paged. Severity-based routing. Auto-escalation to their therapist. A public status page for the group chat’s vibes.
SEV-1 · Triggered 00:42
INC-4471 · us-east-bk
Amanda is texting her ex
Affected service: amanda.feelings.prod · Triggered by: 3 unread drafts, 1 sent “u up?”, repeated playback of Liability.
ack-by
14:58
on-call
you
runbook
RB-009
The Rotation
Weekly shifts. Comp time accrues. Trades are allowed; trades to your mother are not.
Rotation · Group Chat #core-fourw/c Jun 15
Mon
Tue
Wed
Thu
Fri
Sat
Sun
you
you
Priya
Priya
Jordan
?
?
Sat–Sun: unstaffed. Group chat going to voicemail.incidents this week: 11
Severity Matrix
SEV-1SpiralSaw the ex. Got bangs. Considering a podcast.15m
SEV-2WobbleBad date. Bad review. Bad haircut. Crying in a Uber.1h
SEV-3Vibe shift“Can I call you for a sec.” (it is not a sec)4h
SEV-4Just ventingAbout her coworker. Again. You know the one.next brunch
SEV-5Good newsPromoted. Engaged. Adopted a cat. Misclassified.best effort
Escalation Policy
Page goes out. If you don’t ack, it walks the chain. The chain eventually ends at your mother, who has not been briefed but will form opinions.
t+0:00
Primary (you)
Page. Phone face-down on the bar.
t+0:05
Secondary (Priya)
On a 3rd date. Mutes.
t+0:10
Best friend from high school
Replies “omg.” Does not ack.
t+0:20
Her therapist
Out of network. Acks the bill.
t+0:30
Her mother
Acks. Escalates further.
Status Page
status.thegroupchat.lolupdated 2m ago
AmandaDegraded
JordanOperational
PriyaOperational
YouMajor outage
The Group Chat itselfInvestigating
Pricing
Hobby
free tier
$0
One friend. SEV-4 only. Replies arrive when you remember.
Team
default
$19 / mo
Up to 6 friends. SLA: 1h. Phone-tree fallback to your roommate, who is not opted in.
Enterprise
founders’ pick
talk to sales
Unlimited cousins. SSO via family group chat. Dedicated CSM (your sister, billing hourly).
TAM
Total addressable hand-holding
1.8B people with a group chat × 2.3 incidents / wk × $19 ARPU
= $34.2B / yr
Excludes Sunday scaries — those are baseline.
The Ask
$6M seed for: 2 ex-PagerDuty engineers, 1 ex-Hinge data scientist, 1 former camp counselor (escalations), and a six-figure budget for a Twilio bill that will only grow.
Series A pitch:“We’re Datadog, but the service is your friend Amanda.”
Auto-resolved incidents reopen at brunch. There is no “close” button in this product. There never will be.