“git rebasefor your resume. Squash the 8-month ‘consulting’ gap into a clean ‘sabbatical’. Reorder your Poughkeepsie IT stint after Stanford GSB.git rebase -i --autosquash for your LinkedIn posts. When your ex-boss asks why you left, git rebase --ontoand you never worked there. Enterprise: signed commits from a hand-picked reference.”
The Problem
Your career is a linear commit history. It is also a disaster. Real life happened one merge at a time and now HR is squinting at your CV like it’s a stack trace. No recruiter has ever forgiven a 7-week gap. No hiring manager has ever understood the phrase “pivoted to freelance then back.”
$ git log --oneline --your-actual-lifeHEAD · broke
a41f0c9quit; texted boss from a Cinnabon
d7e88b3took a job because rent
b02aa19‘consulting’ (played Elden Ring)
9c3ee27misdemeanor (dropped, ish)
4f1a06bMLM (candles); 6 mo
e88d0a1MFA in Poetry; unfinished; owe $92k
77c9b02founded a startup (2 users, both mom)
1104ffahired at Google (interned; got a shirt)
interviews landed: 0 · ghost rate: 100%
The Solution
An interactive rebase for your work history. Point Rebase at your LinkedIn, pick your target branch (origin/dream-job), and rewrite everything upstream of HEAD into a clean, monotonically increasing arc that any third-party recruiter can pattern-match on in under 12 seconds.
$ git rebase -i HEAD~8 · your-career.txtvim mode
pick1104ffaGoogle (SWE Intern)# keep
reword77c9b02Founder, stealth AI startup# was: 2 users
drope88d0a1MFA in Poetry# we do not speak of this
squash4f1a06b↪ into: 2019–2022 Sabbatical# candles gone
drop9c3ee27the misdemeanor# expunged in prod
rewordb02aa19Independent Consultant, growth strategy# was: Elden Ring
fixupd7e88b3↪ into: Consultant# seamless
reworda41f0c9Departed to pursue passion project# was: Cinnabon
:wq · rewriting 8 commits, force-push to LinkedIn? [y/n]
Before / After
the real graphmerges: 14
* a41f0c9 (HEAD) quit via text
|\
| * 7d1220a couch phase
|/
* d7e88b3 desperation job
|\
| * 08fe9c1 candles arc
| |\
| | * c02a119 misdemeanor
| |/
|/
* 1104ffa hired somewhere real
after rebaselinear · clean
* 1a2b3c4 (HEAD) VP, Growth — NewCo
|
* 2b3c4d5 Independent Consultant
|
* 3c4d5e6 Founder, stealth AI
|
* 4d5e6f7 Sabbatical · Kyoto
|
* 5e6f708 SWE, Google
|
Beta Metrics
Six months in beta. Recruiter response rate before and after rebase, by strategy.
raw truth
‘interesting background’ = ghost
4%
reword + drop
gap disappeared · nobody asked
48%
full autosquash
recruiter cries · sends offer
71%
signed commits
reference calls verify · god mode
89%
Pricing
FAST-FORWARD
$0
Read-only. See what your career would look like if it were linear. You will cry. Then upgrade.
INTERACTIVE
$29 / mo
Full reword / squash / drop. Auto-generated commit messages in the tone of a McKinsey partner. One force-push per week.
SIGNED
$399 / mo
GPG-verified references from a curated pool of retired middle managers. Reference calls answered by a human who worked with you (they did not).
TAM
addressable market · adults with a gap they can’t explain
3.4B workers × 1.7 embarrassing commits each × $0.19 / rewritten SHA
= $1.1T in laundered work history
Methodology: our CEO’s LinkedIn used to say “Dominos, 4 mo.”
The Ask
$8M seed. 50% for the diff engine that maps “Assistant Shift Manager” to “Ops Lead, high-throughput node.” 25% for a legal pod that will argue --force-with-leaseis a synonym for “creative writing.” 15% for the reference pool (they get equity and a nice cardigan). 10% for a lobby sign that reads DO NOT REBASE PUBLIC HISTORY (unless it’s yours).
Series A pitch: “We’re Photoshop for LinkedIn, but the healing brush is a war crime tribunal.”