Throttle
“Rate limits for the people who love you. Mom hit her quota by 10am. Boss is in exponential backoff. The group chat is degraded. You’re not ghosting — you’re protecting your SLOs.”
The Problem
You receive 437 unsolicited inputs per dayacross seven channels with zero admission control. Mom calls during standup. Your ex texts at 1:47am. Your group chat has been named “BRUNCH ???” for nine months and nobody has gone to brunch. There is no circuit breaker. There is only you — returning 200 OK to everyone, and lying.
The Solution
A rate-limiting proxy in front of your entire social graph. Set sliding-window quotas per sender, per channel, per time-of-day. Boss gets bursty traffic. Mom gets a hard cap at 3 RPM. Cousin Brad gets a shadowban (we 200 him, then drop the payload to /dev/null).
Status Codes
We extended HTTP with a few semantics specific to people who love you.
The Backoff Curve
When mom retries, we exponentially back her off. By call #6 she gets a polite tone for six hours.
Pricing
TAM
The Ask
$4M seed. Goes to: a GPU farm to classify “is this an emergency or is it Karen,” and a satellite phone for when your mother triggers a region-wide outage.
Series A pitch:“We’re Cloudflare, but in front of your group chat.”